A few years ago, I met a woman, let’s say K. She was a 39-year-old working mother who came in for therapy because she “felt off.” She wasn’t crying all day. She wasn’t staying in bed. In fact, she was performing perfectly – work deadlines met, tiffins packed, puja done. But every evening, she told me, she felt a strange hollowness. “I keep thinking I should be grateful,” she said. “I have so much. But I feel like I’m vanishing. Like I’m here, but not really.”
For months, K thought maybe she was being ungrateful. Or just hormonal. Her blood reports were fine. Everyone around her said, “It’s just a phase. Be strong.”
But it wasn’t a phase. It was depression.
That’s what breaks my heart the most – how many women live with depression without ever knowing it. Because depression in Indian women often doesn’t look like it does in textbooks. It hides. It shape-shifts. It performs.
This is how depression lives in us – not always in dramatic breakdowns, but in quiet disappearances. A slow vanishing of joy, of energy, of self.
What if it’s not laziness, but depression?
We’re taught to be resilient. To wake up, show up, cook, smile. Even when our insides feel like lead.
And so, depression in Indian women doesn’t always look like what you’d expect. No sobbing into pillows. No movie-style meltdowns. Sometimes it shows up in these 10 hidden ways:
1. You’re always tired, but your blood tests are fine
This isn’t the kind of tired that goes away after a nap or a vacation. It’s a soul-deep exhaustion. You feel heavy all day – lifting yourself off the bed feels like a task. You cancel plans not because you’re lazy, but because the idea of moving through the day feels overwhelming. Even if your physical reports are normal, your emotional reserves may be empty.
You can read more on how depression affects energy at the WHO’s Depression Fact Sheet.
2. You snap at people you love
You yell at your child for spilling water. You fight with your dad just because he asked you if you are alright. You give your partner the silent treatment over a casual comment. You feel rage, then guilt. It’s not that you’re a bad person – it’s that your mind is overwhelmed and your emotions are leaking out sideways. Depression doesn’t always come with sadness; sometimes it wears the face of irritation.
3. You’ve lost interest in things you used to enjoy
You used to dance to old Bollywood songs while cooking. Now you cook in silence. Your bookshelf gathers dust. You cancel plans and stop texting back. It’s not that you don’t care – it’s that your spark feels dimmed. Depression slowly dulls the things that once felt vibrant.
4. You wake up feeling defeated
The alarm rings and your first thought is, “I can’t.” Even before the day begins, it feels lost. You lie there, bargaining with time. This isn’t about being lazy – it’s about a brain that feels like it’s wading through sludge. Even routine tasks like brushing or replying to messages feel impossible.
5. You feel guilty… all the time
Guilt becomes your second skin. You feel bad for resting, for saying no, for eating that extra roti. You overthink every conversation. This isn’t the helpful kind of guilt – this is sticky, irrational guilt that follows you everywhere. It’s especially common in women who’ve been raised to be caretakers at the cost of themselves.
Here’s a simple table that might help:
| Symptom | Normal Reaction | Hidden Depression Sign |
|---|---|---|
| Tiredness | After exertion or lack of sleep | Persistent fatigue despite rest |
| Disinterest | Boredom with a task | Loss of joy in things once loved |
| Guilt | After a real mistake | Constant, vague guilt over small things |
| Snapping at others | During high stress | Regular irritability even in calm moments |
6. You obsessively scroll but feel numb
You’re glued to your screen, but nothing is really sinking in. Reels, memes, news, silence. You scroll to avoid your thoughts, but end up feeling worse. Social media becomes a blanket you hide under – but it doesn’t warm you. This is emotional avoidance, and it’s one of the subtlest ways depression sneaks in.
7. You’ve become overly perfectionist
You redo the bedsheet thrice. You stress over whether the birthday card had the right words. You micromanage tasks because the chaos inside you is too loud. Perfectionism isn’t always ambition – sometimes it’s anxiety in disguise, trying to control one area because the rest of your mind feels like a mess.
8. You cry during ads, then feel silly
An ad for atta makes you tear up. A neighbour’s goodbye wave makes your throat ache. You start crying and then scold yourself: “What’s wrong with me?” Nothing’s wrong. In fact, your tears might be the only way your body is able to express what your mouth cannot.
9. Your body aches, but doctors find nothing
Your neck hurts, your shoulders are tight, your stomach churns – but every report says you’re fine. Depression, especially in cultures where emotions are silenced, often lives in the body. Our pain finds a voice through backaches, fatigue, acidity, or even PCOD flare-ups.
10. You feel invisible
People see your cooking, your work, your replies on the family group. But do they see you? You start feeling like a shadow. You look in the mirror and struggle to connect with the woman staring back. You miss the you that laughed loudly or dreamt big.
Depression in Indian women is shaped by culture
There’s a reason these signs get missed.
We grow up with mental health stigma in India. We’re told depression is “for rich people” or “weak minds.” We’re handed haldi doodh when we ask for help. We’re expected to keep performing wellness. So we learn to hide, to swallow sadness, to power through.
But therapy in India is shifting. More women are saying, “I need help.” More friends are asking, “How are you really?” The shame is lifting, one story at a time.
If this blog feels like a mirror, read this next: Emotional Exhaustion
You might also enjoy the Better India’s burnout guide for a grounded look at everyday exhaustion.
When sadness isn’t just sadness
Not all sadness is depression. But if it lingers, numbs, or stops you from living, it’s worth exploring.
Here’s a simple way to tell:
| Feeling Sad | Clinical Depression |
| Triggered by an event | Lingers without clear reason |
| Mood improves with support | Remains despite comfort or solutions |
| Still finds joy occasionally | Persistent low mood for 2+ weeks |
If you’ve nodded through this post, maybe it’s time to talk to someone. Not because you’re broken. But because you deserve softness too.
You deserve mornings that don’t feel like marathons.
You deserve joy that doesn’t need permission.
And you deserve to be seen, truly seen.
More supportive reading here: Mental Wellness
“If you found this helpful, don’t miss other powerful reflections on emotional and mental health in our Body & Balance segment.”
FAQs
1. How do I know if it’s depression or just everyday stress?
Everyday stress passes with rest. Depression lingers. If your tiredness, irritability, or numbness lasts more than two weeks and affects daily life, it may be depression. Unlike stress, depression persists even when life calms down.
2. Can depression affect my physical health?
Absolutely. Depression can show up as body aches, fatigue, and even digestion issues. Many Indian women experience physical symptoms first. If doctors find nothing but pain remains, it could be hidden depression.
3. Is crying a lot always a sign of depression?
Not necessarily. We all cry sometimes. But if crying happens daily, without clear triggers, or feels uncontrollable, it might indicate depression. Especially if it’s paired with hopelessness, low energy, or withdrawal from others.
4. Can someone have depression without looking sad?
Yes. Depression doesn’t always look like sadness. It might look like busyness, perfectionism, or being “too strong.” Many Indian women hide depression behind productivity and smiles.
5. When should I seek therapy for depression?
If daily functioning feels hard, joy feels distant, or you feel emotionally stuck, it’s time to reach out. You don’t need to wait for a breakdown. Early therapy helps prevent deepening depression.
Rina Goswamy is a psychotherapist with 11 years of experience helping women from all walks of life navigate emotional challenges, relationships, and self-discovery. Known for her bubbly warmth and no-nonsense insight, Rina believes therapy doesn’t have to feel heavy — sometimes, all it takes is asking the right question at the right time. Her writing feels like a conversation with a wise friend who just gets it.
